By Dr. Yanet Vanegas, Psychologist and Mom
Summer break has a way of looking amazing on paper. Lazy mornings, no homework, sunshine, flexibility. But somewhere around day three, reality hits: the lack of routine, the new social dynamics at camp, the boredom, the overstimulation—it all piles up. And for kids, that often means more big feelings.
As both a psychologist and a mom of three, I’ve seen firsthand how summer can stir up emotions in ways that catch families off guard. Kids who usually cope well start melting down over small things. Patience runs thin. Siblings fight more. Parents start wondering, Is this normal?
It is. Emotions don’t take the summer off. In fact, without the structure and rhythm of the school year, they often get louder. But once you understand what big feelings look like as they build—and how to support your child at different points in the emotional cycle—you can help your child get through the summer with more connection, fewer explosions, and a lot more calm.
Why Summer Can Stir Up Big Feelings
During the school year, kids move through their day with built-in predictability. There’s structure. There are transitions that happen at the same time every day. There’s a social rhythm, even if they don’t love every part of it.
In summer, that scaffolding often disappears. Some kids thrive with the freedom. Others unravel a bit.
What I often see during this time of year:
Kids feeling ungrounded without routine
More social anxiety or uncertainty at camp
Sensory overload from travel, heat, crowds, or late nights
Boredom that quickly turns into irritability
Exhaustion from too many transitions, too little downtime, or both
Even the fun stuff can lead to dysregulation if there’s no time to decompress. And when kids don’t yet have the emotional tools to process all of that, it spills out—usually at home, usually with you.
When to Step In: Before, During, and After Big Emotions
Timing matters when we’re supporting kids through intense feelings. Most of the time, the best opportunity to intervene is before the emotion hits its peak. That’s when kids are still accessible, still open to your help. But that doesn’t mean you’re out of options once things escalate.
Let’s walk through each phase and what you can do to support your child.
Catching Emotions on the Rise
This is the sweet spot. Most kids don’t go from zero to meltdown in an instant. There’s usually a build-up—sometimes subtle, sometimes obvious.
Look for cues like:
A change in tone or volume
Shorter, snappier responses
Bossiness or rigidity
Physical tension or pacing
Increased need for control
This is your opportunity to step in with co-regulation. Not to stop the feeling—but to meet them early with empathy and structure.
Try saying:
“Looks like you’re starting to feel frustrated. Do you want to take a minute?”
“You’re getting a little louder. Want to walk outside for a bit?”
“You’re having a hard time with your brother—I can tell. Let’s pause before this turns into something bigger.”
Early intervention gives your child a better chance at managing the emotion before it takes over.
What to Do in the Middle of a Meltdown
Once your child is in the middle of a full-blown reaction—crying, yelling, shutting down—they’re no longer in a place where logic will work. Their nervous system is overwhelmed, and your role now is to provide containment and safety, not correction.
Here’s what can help:
Fewer words. Keep your voice calm and neutral.
Physical proximity if they’ll allow it, without demanding eye contact.
A soft, grounding statement: “You’re safe. I’m here.”
Gentle boundary-setting: “I won’t let you hurt anyone, but I’ll stay with you.”
Every child responds differently. Some need space. Some need closeness. Follow their cues, not the urge to make the moment end quickly.
This is not the time for discipline or problem-solving. Think of yourself as the emotional anchor in the storm. The teaching comes later.
After the Storm: How to Support the Reset
Once your child begins to calm down, they might feel drained, embarrassed, or unsure of what just happened. That’s when you gently reconnect and reflect.
You could say:
“That was a tough moment. Want to talk about what made it so hard?”
“What did your body feel like when you started getting upset?”
“What can we do next time to help those feelings not get so big?”
Keep it short and simple. Stay curious and nonjudgmental.
This is also the right time to revisit coping tools or strategies. You might try again with something that didn’t work earlier, like a breathing exercise or movement break—just to practice it while they’re calm.
Over time, this helps build emotional literacy and confidence. Your child learns that feelings rise and fall—and that they’re not alone in figuring them out.
Building Support Into the Day
Beyond managing emotional moments, a big part of emotional regulation is creating a supportive environment before big feelings even show up. Here’s what helps:
Create simple structure.
Kids don’t need a full schedule, but they do benefit from daily anchors. Morning routines, quiet time after lunch, or a consistent bedtime routine all help them feel more secure.
Prep for transitions.
Before heading into something new—a trip, a different camp, a visit to a busy place—talk through what to expect. Knowing the plan gives kids a sense of control.
Keep sensory needs in mind.
Big summer events can be a lot. Bring headphones for noisy environments, crunchy snacks for sensory input, or small fidgets for anxious hands. A “calm kit” in the car or backpack can be a lifesaver.
Hold boundaries with warmth.
It’s okay to say: “You don’t have to be happy about it, but it’s still bedtime,” or “You’re allowed to be upset, and we’re still leaving in five minutes.” Boundaries paired with empathy create emotional safety.
Let boredom happen.
You’re not a 24/7 entertainment center. Boredom isn’t bad—it’s actually where creativity begins. You can support them by offering open-ended materials (crafts, blocks, books) and letting them lead.
Carve out connection.
A few minutes of one-on-one “special time” where your child chooses the activity—no phones, no multitasking—can go a long way in reducing emotional outbursts later.
A Note for Parents
If summer feels long and emotionally messy, that doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It means you’re parenting a real child through a real season full of change, stimulation, and unmet expectations. And they’re learning—sometimes awkwardly, sometimes loudly—how to navigate that.
Your job isn’t to make their emotions disappear. It’s to help them move through those emotions without feeling lost, ashamed, or alone.
So take a breath. Take breaks. And remind yourself: you’re not just surviving summer. You’re helping your child build the emotional muscles that will carry them far beyond it.
