As summer winds down and the back-to-school commercials ramp up, many kids start to feel a quiet uneasiness settle in. You might notice it in small ways—more complaints of tummy aches, sudden clinginess at bedtime, or comments like “What if I don’t know where to sit?” or “What if no one talks to me?”
These are the back-to-school jitters, and they’re completely normal. After all, change is hard for all of us. Even as adults, starting something new can bring about uncertainty, discomfort, and that little voice in our heads whispering worst-case scenarios. For kids, who are still learning how to manage emotions and understand their thoughts, that voice can feel especially loud and convincing.
One of my favorite ways to help kids work through this kind of anxiety is by teaching them to become thought sorters—to recognize which thoughts are helpful and which ones can be gently tossed aside. And to make it fun and easy to remember, I use a metaphor that resonates with almost every child: mail.
Important Mail vs. Junk Mail
Every day, our minds deliver dozens—if not hundreds—of thoughts. Some of these thoughts are really useful. Others are, well… junk.
“Important mail” includes the thoughts that help us solve problems, prepare for new things, and feel supported. These are the ones that say:
“It’s okay to feel nervous.”
“I’ve handled new situations before—I can do this again.”
“If I get lost, I can ask an adult.”
These thoughts are like a helpful letter from someone who knows and cares about us. They guide us, calm us, and give us options.
Then there’s the “junk mail.” The spam. The pop-ups. The stuff that clogs our mental inbox but doesn’t really help. These are the thoughts that say:
“Everyone is going to think I’m weird.”
“No one will sit with me.”
“I’m not good enough.”
These are the ones that come in loud and urgent, but don’t carry truth or kindness. Just like we toss the coupons we’ll never use or the credit card offers we didn’t ask for, we can teach kids that not every thought deserves our attention.
Helping Kids Become Thought Sorters
Once a child understands the difference between important mail and junk mail, they can begin practicing how to sort their thoughts. This doesn’t mean ignoring feelings or pretending everything is fine. It means getting curious about our thoughts instead of believing every one of them automatically.
You can try saying something like:
“Hmm, that sounds like it might be junk mail. Let’s check. Is that thought true? Is it kind? Is it helpful?”
If the answer is no, you can encourage your child to imagine physically tossing it in a mental junk mail bin—or even drawing it out and crumpling the paper for extra satisfaction. Some kids enjoy writing “reply letters” back to those junk mail thoughts, challenging them with facts or kindness.
Junk Mail Thought: “I’ll never make friends.”
Reply: “Making friends can take time. I made friends last year, and I can do it again.”
The point isn’t to force positivity but to help kids develop discernment—to pause, reflect, and respond to their thoughts instead of reacting to them.
Giving Kids Tools to Cope
Helping kids sort their thoughts is just one piece of the puzzle. Routines, predictability, and connection also go a long way in calming the nervous system. Some children benefit from previewing their school schedule, practicing the morning routine, or even having a quick check-in with their teacher before the first day. Others feel more grounded when they have a “worry plan” in place: someone they can talk to, a strategy to calm their body, or a reminder that they’ve gotten through this before.
Whatever your child’s back-to-school jitters look like, remember that anxiety doesn’t mean they’re not ready—it means they care. And when we teach them to be thoughtful about their thoughts, we give them a powerful tool they’ll use long after the first-day nerves fade away.
Because in the end, not every thought deserves a stamp and envelope. Some of them are just junk mail—and it’s okay to toss them.