Let’s be honest—this is one of the most frustrating positions to be in as a parent. You can see your teen struggling. Maybe they’re more withdrawn, more irritable, or just don’t seem like themselves lately. You bring up the idea of therapy, hoping it might help. And they immediately shut down. Cue the eye roll, the crossed arms, the “I’m fine” or “Stop asking.”
It’s tough. And I know you’re asking from a place of love. You’re trying to give them tools, support, someone outside the family they can talk to. But when your teen resists—sometimes even fiercely—it’s easy to feel helpless.
It’s Not About Forcing, It’s About Understanding
When a teen says “no” to therapy, there’s usually something underneath that. Sometimes it’s fear. Sometimes it’s embarrassment. Sometimes it’s a belief that therapy is only for people who are “really messed up”—and they don’t want to see themselves that way. Or they’ve heard stories that make therapy sound boring, uncomfortable, or like just another adult telling them what to do.
Instead of pushing harder (which often just makes them dig in deeper), it helps to approach with curiosity. Ask what worries them about it. Let them know you’re not trying to fix them—you’re just trying to help them feel better.
Teens Crave Control—So Offer It
Adolescence is a stage where kids are trying to gain independence and make their own decisions. The more autonomy you can offer around therapy, the better. That might look like asking if they’d prefer a female or male therapist, if they’d be more comfortable meeting over video instead of in-person, or if they’d be willing to try just one session with the agreement that they don’t have to go back unless it feels right.
Even something as simple as letting them scroll through a few therapist websites with you can shift the dynamic. Now it’s not something being done to them—it’s something they’re part of.
Therapy Isn’t What They Think It Is
Many teens have no idea what therapy actually looks like. They imagine lying on a couch while someone stares at them and asks about their deepest secrets. That’s not how I work—and that’s not how most therapists work with teens.
I often tell families that therapy with me might involve drawing, problem-solving, games, humor, and conversation that feels relaxed and human. It’s about building a relationship first. Once your teen knows they’re in a safe space, that’s when the real work can begin.
You Can Normalize Therapy Just by Talking About It
We sometimes don’t realize how powerful it is to talk openly about mental health at home. If therapy is only mentioned in the context of a crisis, it can start to feel like something shameful or like a punishment. But if you casually mention that everyone struggles sometimes, or that getting help doesn’t mean you’re weak, it becomes much easier for your teen to internalize that message.
Even saying something like, “Talking to someone helped me when I was going through a hard time,” sends a strong signal: you believe in therapy, and you’re not asking them to do something you wouldn’t do yourself.
When They Still Say No… Focus on Connection
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, your teen still won’t budge. And that’s okay. Not ideal—but okay. You can still support them by showing up consistently, listening without trying to fix, and reminding them gently (and occasionally) that the door to therapy is still open.
In the meantime, you might consider starting therapy for yourself, or exploring parent coaching. I often work with parents who aren’t sure what to say, how much to push, or how to support a teen who doesn’t want help. Sometimes just having someone in your corner can make all the difference.
You’re Not Failing—You’re Showing Up
If you’ve made it this far, I know you’re trying. I also know it can feel like you’re doing everything right and still getting nowhere. But don’t underestimate the power of being a steady, compassionate presence in your teen’s life. Even if they don’t show it now, it matters. They’ll remember that you saw them—even when they couldn’t quite see themselves.
And if you need someone to walk alongside you during this part of the journey, I’m here.
-Dr. V
Dr. Yanet Vanegas is a child and adolescent psychologist based in Florida, providing compassionate and evidence-based care to children and teens. Through secure telehealth, she is able to treat children and adolescents across 42 states. If you’re looking for support for your child or teen, therapy sessions with Dr. Vanegas are designed to help young minds thrive.